Can't Even Trust Myself
by writewhatyoulove
Summary: Rosalie was only supposed to protect Bella while Edward and the others kept Charlie safe and killed James and Victoria. She wasn't supposed to sympathize with her, she wasn't supposed to even like her, and she definitely wasn't supposed to want her so badly. But it was too late; Rosalie's eyes met Bella's for only a second, and she knew. Edward wasn't Bella's mate. She was.
1. Chapter 1

"What?" Rosalie and I looked to Edward with absolutely incredulous looks, though mine out of fear and her clearly out of utter hatred. I still hadn't known what I'd done to deserve the hostility, Edward had mentioned something about being jealous of me, but of what I couldn't even imagine. Someone as beautiful as she was couldn't possibly envy anything about me. But those golden eyes looked to me as if I'd stolen her favorite childhood toy. "Edward," I said in as pleading of a tone as possible, moving in to step closer to him.

"I should go, I'd be able to see-"

Edward stopped Alice short, interrupting her as he gathered up a bundle of things I'd need for my journey. "He'll know. Rosalie is the last person he'd think to be with her. Out of everyone she was the furthest from her in our protection. I have no doubt that he noticed." I still wasn't completely positive about it all this, having to leave Edward, having his entire family risk their lives just to save mine. It hardly seemed like an even trade off. Who was I? The question had been repeated in Rosalie's tone in my mind, more than likely due to the fact that I knew her words were true. I was a menace. I was a klutz and none of this would be happening if I had just heeded Edwards first warnings and stayed away.

But how could I? His marble skin was much too comforting, touch too addictive, eyes too enticing. Absolutely nothing would be able to have kept me from him. Not his words, nor the stories, and as I had so proven, not even him being a vampire. "I would be able to see if she needed to be moved." Alice tried again, stepping in closer to Edward. Rosalie's arms were crossed over her chest, nodding at Alice's words while glaring my way every so often. I wasn't sure which was worse, watching as I forced this family to uproot everything for me, or the death glare from such a beautiful face.

"We don't have time to discuss this! Rosalie and Jasper with Bella, you and Esme, and Carlise, Emmett and I. The second he changes his mind and moves somewhere different, you call me, then Jasper." He hand his hands on Alice's shoulders, eyes looking almost too intently at hers, and I could only guess they were having one of their many silent conversations, the ones that I despised. It was never good, and I typically wound up not having a choice in something that affected me most of all. "Is everyone ready?" The soft nods came from everyone but Rosalie and I. "Will they follow us?" Edward still only spoke to Alice, who closed her eyes and stood absolutely still for a long moment. She hadn't even moved her shoulders as she focused in on the future, finding the answer everyone wanted to know.

"Victoria will follow you, James will stay back. They're going to split up." The jawline on Edwards pale skin locked, a soft growl sounding from deep within his chest as he thought out his options.

"Us first then," He spoke without so much as a glance my way, no doubt completely aware of how I'd protest despite knowing it was the only choice there was. "Esme and Alice, you leave when I call," His eye turned to Rosalie, who still stood absolutely defiant furthest from me as possible. "Rosalie, I beg of you to keep my Bella as safe as you'd want Emmett. Please." She didn't speak, and in the chance glance I took at her, she actually seemed to have saddened some; odd to see on a girl that had disliked me from the beginning.

A silence fell over everyone, and for the first time I noticed just how silent I had been in all of this. My loud protests no longer voiced. Anything that I wanted to say died in my throat, this was the only option, hurting Charlie was the only option, being torn from Edward was the only option. I had no choices in this, it was all settled. It was settled the moment we entered the garage.

Edward turned to me then, his eyes suddenly urgent as his large cold hands fell to my cheeks. He held me for a few moments, not speaking, and yet saying all too much with a simple look. I saw pain in his eyes, a pain I had put there due to my scent. In the second I opened my mouth to speak, however, that pained look was gone and his icy lips were pressed firmly to mine. I could feel my heart race within my chest, and was positive that everyone in the room could hear it pound as Edward pulled away. He refused to look me in the eye after that, and instead strode past me with Emmett and Carlisle following behind him.

The garage stayed silent, causing a ringing to form between my ears; much like the one I heard whenever I smelled the all but too rusty scent of blood. The only moment it was interrupted was when Alice's phone went off, and she flashed me a sad smile as she hung it up. "That's us," she sighed, gracefully walking towards me to wrap her thin arms around my frame. She was freezing, but I welcomed the cold, knowing it might be a long while before I ever felt her enthusiastic hugs again. Of course, this hardly measured up to what her typical hugs compared to. The force was nothing, she held me like I was something so easily breakable, and while that was the case, it never stopped her forceful hugs before.

I clung to her harder when she tried to pull away, my fingers tightening around her shirt. "I'll be okay," she promised. "Esme and I will be fine. Trust me." And I did. Alice's gift had yet to fail her. At least to my knowledge. So with a final breath - one I used to smell the floral scent of Alice one final time - I released my grip and let her go.

Esme placed a cool hand to my chin, smiling at me fondly before speaking. "See you soon." she promised, giving me some comfort despite how much I hated being the reason for all of this.

All that was left was Jasper, Rosalie and I. The blonde had chosen to lean against the wall, no doubt wrapped up in thought of her own personal hell. Not only having to protect such a menace to her life, but being forced to stay in her company as well. I couldn't imagine it. I certainly wouldn't be too happy if I were Rosalie, and Lauren was in my place. I'd act just as cold, I thought.

Jasper's phone buzzed, and he looked between the two of us with a small grimace on his face. "It's our turn." The panic I'd been ignoring to face the harder more painful of things finally rose, creating a ball in my throat as Rosalie entered the driver's side of the dark car, Jasper holding a door for myself. It was odd, how quickly I had gone from worrying greatly about everyone else, to feeling completely exhausted. It took only a few seconds to realize why, and I flashed Jasper a sleepy yet grateful smile before stepping into the car. The silence was almost deadly, though it hardly bothered me as I felt myself dozing off, the small town of Forks flying past my window until I no longer recognized anything.

Rosalie's speed was far less terrifying than Edwards, at least it was while she thought I was awake. Every time my lids bobbed back open, attempting to fight sleep should Edward call while I slept in the car, we were driving much faster than we had while in Forks. But soon it no longer mattered, unconscious winning out thanks to Jasper, and all I could do was allow my eyes to close and drift away into slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

_The thrumming of my heart pounded louder than the thunder above as I ran through the thick woods of Forks, unable to know where I was heading but not caring a single moment. He was close, so close behind me, and I wasn't fast enough. My feet would never make me outrun a vampire, their supernatural speed was there specifically for these instances; chasing and catching prey._

_A low branch caught the side of my cheek, the tip slashing a shallow cut over the wet skin from the rain just as my foot stumbles over a poorly placed rock, the other losing traction over the muddy terrain. The hill I stumble and roll down is riddled with pebbles, mud and dirt; all of which scratch at my face and arms, leaving small burns and cuts all over my pale flesh. Somehow I manage to register the scent of blood, that horrible rustic smell filling my nostrils as my body finally slows to a stop at the bottom. I know I need to get up, I need to run again, but it's too late. My predator is already there; the soft breeze caused by his speed alone signifying such._

_My brown eyes look up expecting to see James with a smug grin over his terrifying features. But I only find Edward, his eyes as black as night. "Edward," I call out wistfully, prepping myself to stand and be held in his impossibly strong arms. But his low growl stops me cold, and I turn swiftly. Now James was coming, Edwards stance had told me as much. But I didn't see anyone; living or undead. Just the thick brush of the forest._

_A warm liquid runs down my forehead, the copper scent rushing over me immdeiately all over again._

_Edward's growl sounds again, and I have only a second to turn around before he's pouncing, his growl now more of a roar as his teeth near my flesh. And just as I shut my eyes and accept my fate, something cold surrounds me. I can't see what it is, but by the firm hold, cold skin, and sheer speed, I knew what species it was. Whoever they were they didn't speak, and for a moment I assume it to be Alice. Or possibly Carlisle._

_But the harmonious voice that sounds doesn't belong to either of them, but instead the one Cullen that had never spoken so softly to me. The one Cullen that had never shown such tenderness. "It's okay, Bella." Rosalie said in a hushed voice, her cold arms holding me bridal style as we rush through the woods._

_I'm much too confused to focus on the passing trees, or the inevitable nausea I'd undoubtedly feel if I had. My gaze stays locked to her pale arms, sparkling in the sunlight as it pokes through the periodic cracks in the treetops. Somewhere I register that it wasn't possible for the sun to be out; it was raining just seconds ago. But her voice has me much too distracted to care. "You're safe now," she whispers. I could feel her nose in my hair, could hear her breathe in my scent despite the blood still pooling down my cheek. I wondered how she was so capable of resisting the scent when Edward could hardly kiss me while I was in perfect condition. "It's just a dream. Wake up, Bella._

"It's only a nightmare." Rosalie's voice calls as my eyes flutter open. They found not the beautiful vampire but the dark car window, freeway still flying past us. It was evening now, the sun setting just off the horizon, and I couldn't tell where we were exactly or how far we had driven, but at the very least I could tell it wasn't California. My eyes focus in on the granite cool skin show just above Rosalie's v-neck, my head seeming to have fallen there while I slept. Which couldn't have been possible, considering Rosalie was in the passenger seat when I drifted off.

Jasper's eyes caught mine in the rearview mirror, his golden orbs shinning with a friendliness I only rarely got to see. Typically he was so distracted fighting off his bloodlust to give me the chance to even speak to him more than just a few sentences. "I pulled over not too long ago and asked Rosalie to help settle you," He explained in his velvet voice. "You were having a nightmare."

I nodded, though I couldn't understand why he didn't just use his gift to help, if for nothing else than to save Rosalie from having to be so close to me. He seemed to have sensed my confusion, and began explaining why Rosalie was currently holding me still. "You wouldn't wake when she tried to shake you, but it seems you've grown comforted by our cool skin." What I wished he could explain was why she hadn't let go yet. Already my heart began to quicken its beats, much to my humiliation. I knew she could hear it, was probably disgusted by it, but she held her arms still, ice cool and marble hard.

"How close are we?" I asked, trying to relieve Rosalie from her duties by sitting up, not even daring to look her in the eyes after having undoubtedly ruined her shirt with my tears.

"Just about to leave Oregon." I hadn't expected her to answer me, but even worse was her tone. It was just as gentle, just as soft and tender as my dream. "I don't believe we'll be much longer." Jasper just nodded from the front seat.

"Has Edward called?" I asked, still looking to the rearview mirror in the hopes of Jasper answering, my hopes dashed when it was Rosalie once more.

"Not yet," I couldn't hold out any longer, I had to face her before it came off as rude, or unappreciative. "He will though. When it's safe." I was only left to nod and feel the panic begin to rise once again. Not nearly as strong as before, but very much clear as the past few hours rushed back to mind. The way Charlie looked at me when I left had me nearly out of breath. How was I supposed to come back to him after that, after breaking his heart and making him relive his most heartwrenching moment? I didn't feel as if 'I'm sorry' would quite cut it this time. He'd want an explanation, and if I ever got the chance to give him one, he'd know I was lying the second I opened my mouth. I was an awful liar, and an even worse schemer. So the idea of returning seemed less and less likely. Much to my utter dismay. I refused to think about a life outside of Forks unless Edward was in it. Unless Charlie was safe. With Alice left behind I didn't worry too much, she'd be able to see if Victoria would harm him. And they'd call if anything ever did. At least...I think they would. They had to, they couldn't just leave me in the dark. But then, hadn't Edward done exactly that before? It was for good reason, though. He couldn't tell me about his family because he was afraid I'd expose them. It was safer if I didn't know in his eyes. Would he think it was safer if he didn't tell me about Charlie?

My eyes found the window again in an attempt to push back the back and forth tennis match of worry in my mind, though this time I chose the one to my right, the one facing away from Rosalie and any glare she might suddenly flash my way. All I saw for miles was open fields and green trees. Nothing looked all that familiar just yet, but I knew it would soon enough, and oddly I felt an incredible comfort in that. Seeing Phoenix again would at the very least make me feel like I was somehow close to home. The familiarity would be better than any randomly picked spot Edward would have come up with; immensely greater than Alaska.

As I lost myself in the memories Phoenix held, a soft growl sounded from my stomach, causing Jasper's golden eyes to fall to mine with a knowing smirk hidden there. "Looks like it's time to feed the human." He teased lightly, his accent slightly more noticeable now than in Forks. I wondered if he hid it to try and keep less attention to his family.  
"I can wait," I insisted, using my arms to cover my stomach and press down, hoping to supress anything else it might reveal. "Really, I just want to keep moving." My nightmare flashed to me suddenly, the way I knew how I could run as far as I wanted and it would never be enough. A shiver shot down my spine at the thought.

"Bella, we're not going to let you starve. Especially since we're going through all these extra efforts to keep you alive." I couldn't be sure, but I think that was Rosalie trying to make a light joke. The corners of her lips curved just so, but her eyes still held that hard unidentifiable gaze that practically taunted me. Guarding their emotions must be necessary in the Cullen home I supposed, what with Jasper and Edward around at all times. I couldn't imagine what that must be like, and was positive I'd be a blushing mess at all times if I lived that way.

Despite having turned to argue it out with her, to explain that we didn't have time to stop, that James could be on his way right now, I couldn't seem to find the words. Rosalie's golden eyes had moved to look out the window, this topic apparently no longer up for debate. Much like many things in my life were at this point. I glared at Jasper, feeling his calming influence and wanting nothing more than to throw something at him. But he was stronger, and with a soft grin he just shrugged as I slumped back in my seat, accepting my fate.

He pulled off at the next exit, and we drove for another fifteen or so minutes, neither of them liking what few options there were. Apparently they would rather die than have me eat McDonalds. It all seemed rather unimportant all things considered. "Can we please just grab something and go? I don't want to stay still for too long." I finally begged, speaking up for the first time since Jasper had influenced me. They both eyed me, and sighed - Rosalie huffing more than sighing - before pulling into the parking lot of a Subway.

I assumed one of them would accompany me for such a short period oftime, but both of them stepped from the car and walked on either side of me, eyes looking straight ahead. My hair swayed as I shook my head; yes I understood I was in danger, yes I knew Edward wanted me to be protected, but the way they walked - stiff and almost too graceful - it made it seem like I had two bodyguards rather than friends. Of course, that may have been true in Rosalie's case.

In my completely expected fashion, I tripped while stepping up on the curbed sidewalk, caught just before I would have wound up scraping my knee on the cement. Thegratefulness dissipated when I felt my heart skip, realizing it was Rosalie that had caught me. "Do you think you could try and be more careful?" She hissed, helping me stand upright again. I didn't bother answering her, but did apologize to Jasper, knowing that the smell would have made this a much more difficult experience for him.

Not five minutes later and we were back on the freeway, Jasper driving again, me sitting in the back like before, and Rosalie choosing the seat to my left, exactlyas it was. I didn't think she'd take Edward's plea so seriously, I didn't for a second believe she'd be so protective, but it seemed as if she wanted to keep my nightmares away. Going as far as to letting me rest on her should I need that comfort once more.

Once the car reached a speed that had me nails digging into the leather of the seat, I shut my eyes tightly, willing sleep to overtake me once more. I'd never been in the car when Jasper drove, and while Edward had swore that I was perfectly safe in the car while it sped away, it didn't stop me from feeling incredibly ill and carsick. Each breath was slow and deliberate, an attempt to get myself to relax while I welcomed the waves Jasper sent from the front seat. Rosalie, however, seemed less than enthused with the use of his gift. Ironically, it was the one time I welcomed them willingly, knowing it would be better than sitting in the back petrified for my life. "Slow down!" She shouted, the faint sound of a low growl finishing her order. "You're supposed to keep her safe, not make her terrified of cars for the rest of her life."

"It's fine," I attempt to mutter, my gaze flashing between both Rosalie and Jasper. They didn't need to fight, and Rosalie really didn't have to try so hard to pretend to care about me. I understood why she disliked me so much; or at least, I did to an extent. I was a threat to her family, and that was enough for her to distrust and even dislike me so much. "Edward drives like this all the time, I'll get used to it." But despite my words, the car slowed to an even sixty miles-per-hour. Jasper's eyes weren't as friendly, they actually seemed to carry that same look of complete pain I'd seen when he first entered the cafeteria back in Forks. It was instinct to check and make sure I wasn't bleeding, going as far as to lift my pants leg and inspect the skin under there. But nothing, and when I went to look back at his reflection in the mirror, his golden eyes were locked to Rosalie, who stared back with absolutely no emotion on her face. The same cold hard look I've seen her give Edward before. Only it made less sense now, considering Jasper couldn't read minds. "What's wrong?" I ask finally, my heart beginning it's aching pounding. "Is something wrong? Is it Edward? Did something happen- Is Charlie okay? Or is it Alice? Did she have a vision?" My questions only led to worse and worse scenarios play out in my mind, causing my entire body to run cold as I inched in closer to Jasper pleadingly. My hand landed gnetly on his shoulder, my brown eyes already brimming with tears. "We have to go back. If they're hurt we have to go back. We can't just let them do this. They can't die because of me, I'm not worth-"

"You're plenty worth it," Jasper interupted, his face now back to its normal self, smiling at me as he faced away from the road for a moment. "No one's hurt, I promise. I'd be able to tell if Alice was injured, and we'd be called the moment something did happen." Somehow I wasn't convinced, and I turned to the one person in the car I knew would tell me the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

But as I turned and faced the beautiful blonde now sitting behind my leaning form, she only smiled. The first smile ever directed my way before. "He's not lying, everyone's safe," Her smile held, which only made me believe her less. "Come lay down, you'll feel better."

I glared at her, then to Jasper, who only began laughing. Now I wasn't so sure he couldn't hear thoughts. "Why are you laughing?!" I shouted.

"You would be too if you had an outside perspective on your emotions," he teased, his eyes now back on the road. I felt his influence again, and I had had just about enough of that.

"Stop! I'm not tired, and I'm not calm. I want to know what's going on." My voice held far more conviction than I felt, but their odd behavior had me more on edge than a vampire chasing after me.

"Bella," Rosalie called, that same soothing tone wafting over me once again. I felt yet another onslaught of calm and my eyes narrowed back on Jasper.

"Stop it, I'm serious!"

"That wasn't me! I swear, you felt calm all on your own. I won't do it without your permission anymore. Cross my heart." My jaw tightened closed, now completely embarrassed that Rosalie knew just how welcome her softness was. I sighed, but fell back in my seat and leaned against the cool marble skin. I watched Jasper turn the heat on, keeping my temperature as warm as possible while laying on Rosalie. Her hair smelled wonderful, a honeysuckle mixed with something floral. It only added to my state of calm, and soon my eyes shut, allowing me drift off for all of two minutes before I heard Jasper speak to Rosalie, just quiet enough to be out of my hearing capabilities. But the one thing I was able to hear was Rosalie's growl, rumbling against my cheek as it rested against her chest. I wanted to know what was happening, but I couldn't find the effort to care, not when Rosalie placed her arm around my frame, keeping me still and firm at her side.


	3. Chapter 3

** Guest: I don't plan on writing in Rosalie's POV for this fic, however I may consider doing a sequel done from her perspective if I feel up for it.**

When my eyes opened again, they found the bland colors of a hotel room, the bathroom sat just to the left of the second Queen bed, and the drapes blocked out all but one ray of sunlight. My hazy vision focused more, worried when I didn't find Jasper immediately. The irrational fear took over, and for a moment I whole-heartedly believed that James had killed him and Rosalie, saving me to see their fully dead bodies torn to pieces.

The panic settled deep within my gut, and I jumped up from the bed seconds later, only for my legs to be caught by the heavy comforter. I stumbled slightly, but was caught easily by Rosalie, her cold arms there before I even felt the breeze from her speed. "Careful," she sighed, keeping me in place as I bashfully kicked at the blanket entrapping my feet.

"Thanks," My words are hardly audible, but I know she heard them. "I thought-" but the words die out the moment my brown eyes land on her, the one ray of sunlight that had escaped the drapes hit at the collar bone of her chest, and ran down to the edge of her v-neck. The diamond-like flesh had me mesmerized all over again, the beauty caught there somehow impossible to describe; impossible to even believe. How one creature could be capable of looking so beautiful, to have even more beauty added seemed utterly cruel to those of us who were nothing but average.

When she realized why I was staring, she moved us both out from the line of light. "You thought what, Bella?" I was shocked to hear her voice unchanged frmo the gentle tone it had been before.

It took me much longer than I would have liked to respond, still lost in the sheer beauty one vampire was capable of holding. Edward had been beautiful, the day he showed me what he looked like in the sun I was hardly capable of looking away; but with Rosalie I was simply stunned. Speaking was difficult, looking away despite the sun no longer affecting her far too hard. And her cool fingers, guiding my chin to force my brown eyes to look into her own had made everything freeze for a moment. I stopped breathing, feeling her touch me so delicately, looking at me with such worry, such care. I hadn't been prepared for this. I was prepared for her venomous words, for her hateful glares and annoyed remarks, but not for her beautiful golden eyes to look at me with so much- well I couldn't put a word to it really. There wasn't a single emotion that resided behind Rosalie's eyes, but a million; each swirling the pools of gold. "Bella, you're worrying me." My chest burned suddenly, and I took in a long breath of air finally, realizing my mistake a little too late.

Her arms had swooped me up before my knees gave out, and she placed me back to the bed carefully, her eyes back to being guarded. "Will you tell me what's gotten into you?" Her words hold some bite, though it's more annoyance at not knowing what the sudden change was about than anything else. At least she could understand somewhat the things I was going through. I simply had more patience.

"I didn't see you or Jasper, so I thought James had - I thought he might have been saving me for last." Her gaze softened again, and she sat on the bed beside me, eyes scanning over my form with a warmth I couldn't quite place. She seemed almost protective of me.

"Where is Jasper?"

"He called Alice."

"Is something wrong?" My heart began pounding immediately, and Rosalie's lips quirked just so before she explainned, her cold hand landing on my shoulder. I hadn't even noticed that my body shot up, elbows keeping my upper half supported.  
"You should have a little more faith in us," She teased lightly, pressing gently on my shoulder to silently tell me to lay back down. "She's fine, it's just...difficult for us to be apart from our mates for long."

"Difficult?"

"It's...painful almost, being away for so long. Most of us don't use the fulll term, mostly because we find it so ironic for vampires to have such a thing," Her eyes drift downward, lost in thought as she amuses herself with something I was clearly missing. But she didn't take long to find my eyes again, and I swore there was something there, hidden by my lack of knowledge about her and her behaviors. "Alice is Jasper's soulmate. She is quite literally what completes his soul. But like I said, most vampires find it too ironic for a demon to have a soulmate, or they don't believe they have a soul at all." My thoughts immediately drifted to Edward. "So we call them mates."

I sat in silence as she explained, wondering if Edward felt that pain, if it was only a vampire ability. It had to be, as I only felt a deep longing and immense worry with him so far and risking his life for me. For someone so ordinary. "He won't give us away, but hearing her voice will help him."

"Does the pain get worse? The longer your away, does it hurt worse?" My question seems to stump her, clearly having not gone through it herself. Which was entirely possible, there wasn't a moment where I didn't see Emmett by Rosalie's side, or vice versa.

"From what I've heard, and I can't be sure myself, but from what others have said, it creates a kind of despair. Almost like a panic attack that doesn't go away. Some feel hopeless, others feel helpless. It's quite pathetic really." That made sense, and it made me feel much less pathetic than I first thought, having to watch Edward leave while still in his garage.

"Do you feel that now? With Emmett so far away?" Her face twists, and I'm positive that I've struck a nerve; emotion didn't seem like Rosalie's strong suit, and considering we were hardly friends, I imagined I only made it worse.

"I've found recently," she started, pausing with a sigh. It was odd, she almost looked nervous. "I've found that Emmett was not my mate. Not my true mate. I love him, and I was very much capable of ignoring how his blood sang to me when I brought him to Carlisle, but he isn't my soulmate. How could he be when I feel so at ease here? If he were, I'd be far more cruel to you than before. Actually, I imagine Alice is sharing that piece of information with Jasper this second." The shock must have been clear on my features, as Rosalie's head tilted some, as if listening intently, and I could only guess it was to ensure I was still breathing. Somehow I was managing that much, but I couldn't begin to understand how two people could go so long thinking they were made for each other and not be able to feel that something was off. I was so sure with Edward, nothing could make me believe that he was anything but tthe one I was meant to be with. I always figured that knowledge would be engrained into a vampire.

"But - but you two were always so...how?" I stumble around the many questions in my mind, which seems to be humorous to her.

"Has Edward ever told you what a singer was?" I thought back, remembering every conversation I've ever had with the beautiful vampire, and shake my head when no such word comes to mind. "Of course not," Rosalie's word seemed to be tangled in a growl, but she closes her eyes, composes herself, and continues on. "It's a term for when a humans blood 'sings' to a vampire. It's not so much about love as it is about protecting a meal. Some vampires kill their singer within seconds, unable to stop themselves from the scent that comes off from their kill. Others, like myself I suppose, are able to hold off. They crave it so much that they want to be able to smell it for as long as possible. I love Emmett, but I can't deny that pulling him from the mountain, his blood leaving a dark trail behind him, was the most difficult thing I'd ever done. I was certain that it was love, that he was my mate. Why else would someone call to me in such a way?

"It wasn't until recently that I realized I missed his scent from that day. I hate myself for it, I haven't tasted human blood, so I shouldn't crave it, but I crave his. I miss his. Almost like an addict misses their fix."

My racing thoughts no longer revolve around Rosalie and Emmett, though their loss of love was absolutely tragic. It instead revolved around all of the images of Edward fighting himself from killing me. I trusted him, more than I trusted anyone. I knew he'd never kill me but he never seemed as positive. He never seemed as in control as I knew he could be. "And soulmates? Do they crave the blood?"

"I'm not sure I'm the greatest person to ask." She answers, but I know she's hiding the truth. I know she's keeping secrets and I know it's to protect my feelings. But she shouldn't have bothered. I knew Edward would never hurt me. He would never cause me harm. His love was greater than his craving, of that I was certain.  
Just as I'm about to dispute her unspoken words, the door to our room opens and closes, Jasper's friendly face falling some as he gets a feel for the emotions in the room. "What happened?"

Neither of us speak, but I turn to Rosalie, expecting her to answer honestly.  
She doesn't. Instead standing from the bed and walking to the kitchenette. Her long blonde hair covers the side of her face as she pulls different things from the cupboards, it seemed that they'd gone shopping, though when I couldn't know. "Are you hungry, Bella?" She asks, despite already preparing bread on a paper towel. "Your sandwich is in the fridge if you'd prefer that, or I could make you a fresh one?" Her kindness was starting to become annoying, only due to the fact that she was avoiding the topic she'd brought up.

"I'm fine," I lied in defiance, though her motions of making me food never ceased.  
Poor Jasper was forced to stand in the entryway, looking back and forth between Rosalie and I, but rather than attempt to influence us into a state of calm, he merely sighs and moves to Rosalie's side. I could hear the soft hum of his voice, speaking too lightly and too quickly for me to pick up any sort of syllabll. It only annoys me further, but before I can speak, Jasper turns to face me, a soft smile gracing his handsome features. "Ah, she told you about singers," he finally said, a knowng glint in his eyes as he leaned against the counter space.

"She did."

"Bella, do you like bologna or ham?" My annoyance rose as I eyed her back, her motions still.

"Ham."

"So I assume she told you about Emmett then?" Jasper asked, though I was sure he already knew the answer; he had that look, the one all of the Cullen's got when they were asking me something out of respect, not because they didn't already know. When I nodded, he glanced to Rosalie, as if to ask her something but seemed to decide against it, opting to sit on the bed Rosalie and I hadn't occupied.

"What did Alice say? Have they found Victoria or James?" the blonde vampire that was currently making my sandwich noticeably stiffened, and I couldn't know if it was at the names or at her family risking their lives for me.

Jasper took notice as well, but ignored her for the time being, focusing in on my question instead. "She hasn't seen anything, he keeps changing his mind on his next move. He knows that you're not in Forks, but he hasn't decided where to go just yet. And Victoria has proven Laurent right, she's escaped everything that Edward has tried to throw at her. But Charlie's perfectly safe, Esme has been keeping keen watch, and Alice check's his future frequently." Charlie's name causes me to flinch some, the memory of his wounded face still burned into my mind. I still wasn't sure how I was going to apologize, or if I'd even get the chance.

"Is Edward okay?" I ask as a distraction, catching only the faint movement of Rosalie handing me my sandwich when she's already sitting beside me. At some point I've managed to find comfort in that. It was a promise of change for when this was all over, if it would be over.

"He's fine." Jasper promised. "Worried about you, he misses you."

"Is he in pain?" My question is more for my sanity than anything else, needing to know if he felt what Rosalie told me about. That pain of being far from your mate.  
There had always been an insecurity there, on whether I could truly be the one that he wound find forever with. But now that there was an actual sign, a way of knowing for sure, I couldn't help but feel both petrified and completely content in that knowledge.

"I don't think they've faced either of them just yet," Jasper answered, now confused by my words.

"Bella, eat. You haven't eaten all day, you must be starving." Begrudginly I bit into the sandwich, hating that it tasted delicious as I chew quickly. Rosalie had apparently not forgotten what made a wonderful meal.

"I mean, Rosalie was saying that true mates felt pain being so far from each other, is that- is he in pain?"

"I didn't ask," He's doing it again, that face that tells me there's more. That face that says he's hiding something, keeping me from knowing the full truth because he doesn't want to hurt me or doesn't want me to worry. Rosalie, however, just seemed pleased that I'd eaten something. Both of them were infuriating, incapable of keeping me distracted from worry and fear. "Why are you upset?"

"It's nothing," I grumble, silently damning him for his gift now. Clearly I had a love hate relationship with it.

More annoyed than ever, I tok another bite out of the sandwhich, this time more harshly than before. All I wanted were answers, to be certain, the constant guessing game had me on edge, something I already felt due to James and Victoria. To add my worry over whether Edward was truly meant to be mine and I his would only make all of this seem less worth it. It would make their injuries, or worse, their deaths, hardly worth anything. It wouldn't mean anything, because Bella wasn't truly family, not the way they all thought she'd be. "Are you still hungry?" Rosalie's cold fingertips are playing with my hair before I have a chance to proerly respond, leaving me in a stuttering mess of confusion and bashfulness.

"You're not helping her speak." Jasper's tone is light, but he doesn't continue his teasing as I glare at him.

"I'm okay," I finally grumble, growing used to the light tickle her fingers cause. Her actions are almost comparable to Edwards when we first met, and I wasn't quite sure I could manage that whiplash again. Though she hadn't seemed to have gone back to her venomous words and death glares, I couldn't be sure it would last long until that moment came. "I think I just want to sleep."

"You've slept nearly all day, are you sure you're still tired?"

"What else is there to do?" She seemed defeated, her jaw locking a moment before her hand fell back to the bed. I'd done it, I brought back the Rosalie I'd grown so used to, things finally going back to normal, finally feeling some kind of normalcy in the air again. I knew how to react to an angry Rosalie, I could handle her glares more than I could handle her gentle caresses.

"Fine, sleep your day away. Just don't complain when you're up all night."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I wanted to apologize for how late this is. My job took over my life, and when I finally had time to write I had so much trouble. I literally wrote this chapter three times in three different ways to try and figure out what way was the best way to take this chapter. I'm finally happy with it, though I feel it could still use some work. I'll let you all be the judge. I didn't much look over this for small spelling mistakes, so I'm sorry if any exist. Also, I am currently working on two new fics, both for the Glee Fandom and both unlike anything I've written before. So keep a look out for them. I haven't settled on a title for one of them, but I am pretty sure that one will be titled Lustful, it is going to be quite a smutty fic however there will have a plot as well. **

**Thank you for sticking through with me while I tried to find time and inspiration. Enjoy, and review if at all possible, it helps out a lot.**

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Rosalie's figure glows in the moonlight that covers her beauty as she stands outside on the patio the small hotel room offers. Despite my desire to have a small room, the ever so persistent vampires still managed to get their way with the patio; of course, now I couldn't exactly complain. Right now, looking at Rosalie Hale under the black speckled sky, I was completely breathless. Seeing her stare out at the city lights before her, the beach just to the side of our view, and the way she almost looked happy; it was utterly enchanting. Everything about Rosalie was enchanting. Her eyes, her voice, the way she moved when she felt completely carefree. I couldn't even begin to fathom how anyone could look at her without stopping dead in their tracks. She was almost too much to take in; capable of leaving an innocent bystander completely thoughtless and dumbfounded.

I felt something tugging at my mind, trying to make me remember, trying to make me focus but I was simply too lost in her. The way she leaned in further towards the edge to look down below, the couples walking about hand in hand as they talked about their carefree ways and future dates. I wondered what she thought of in those moments, when she saw people in love after losing that possibility with Emmett. There would be someone else, I couldn't believe that Rosalie would wind up loveless, not when she was so capable of having something epic, something to be written and played out on screen.

The nagging from before is relentless, but somehow I manage to ignore it, just to stare a little longer at her, to be a complete creep and let her believe I was still sleeping soundly while she lost herself in whatever she was thinking.

I'm more than content with just staying in bed and watching, the way I had found so endearing with Edward. To think that someone so beautiful found me interesting, even while I was quite literally doing nothing, seemed completely romantic. And yet, laying here staring at Rosalie, there was something wrong with that picture now. Something that didn't quite add up. And I wondered if it was because I was no longer certain that Edward and I were meant to be forever.

The thought alone caused my heart to skip, and instantly I see Rosalie's body straighten, her guard up faster than I could blink. An unfortunate event to my ever intrigued mind.

I never understood it, the need to hide so incredibly well from everyone. To not let a soul into your thoughts. Around Edward and Jasper I understood, but there were instances where they were nowhere to be found, and she still refused to let her guard down. To let anyone get the chance to see her. I suppose I should feel like one of the lucky ones, being able to see her so gentle and careful with me. And yet even then, it still felt as if she was holding back.

"Bella," She called from the patio, loud enough for me to just barely hear my name fall from her lips. "It isn't polite to stare." Her golden eyes find mine as she turns to face me, her lips curved into an easy smile, no trace of any kind of strain behind them in any way. She was genuinely happy I was awake, and even engaging in conversation with me. How odd.

"I didn't mean to." I confess groggily, moving beneath the covers to sit up. The nagging came once again, but it only grew more and more easy to ignore, Rosalie's beauty the perfect distraction.. In fact, the more clearly I saw Rosalie, the easier it became to ignore everything else around us. I was craving yet again, but what was it? The coolness of her skin? The gentle caresses? What about Rosalie did I yearn for? Somewhere, deep within the pats of me that had been so hidden in denial, I knew what I yearned for. Her approval, her care, and on some level, her affection. Rosalie was a wonderful being, and while she refused to show me it in the beginning, I was now getting the full picture for just how big her heart was, just how much she was capable of caring for someone. I was only seeing a fraction of it, so I could almost imagine what someone she truly loved would get to see from her. Feel from her.

"Tell me more about mates," I asked bluntly, my head tilting some, bedhead falling over my shoulders as she nears my bed with a soft grin of innocence.

"What would you like to know?"

That had stumped me. I couldn't know what it was I wanted to know, because I knew so little already. I didn't have a question because there was nothing to base it off of. All I knew so far was that a vampire could mistake a singer as their soulmate, and that it is painful to be without them. "Anything, everything." I finally answered with a shrug, chewing my lower lip as I shifted further in my bed, offering up some room for the blonde to sit, should she choose to do so with someone so ordinary. I almost thought she wouldn't thinking of me as below her, it was a complex I was still working on; but to my surprise, she sat with ease, gracefully placing herself just close enough to have the hairs on my arms stand on edge. I wasn't used to her being so close, at least not while I was awake.

"Well, I don't know what exactly to say," Her chest fell with a soft sigh, dark golden eyes losing themselves in thought as they sought out the wall behind me. "I know that when you do see your mate, for a vampire anyways, it's undeniable. But the key is to lock eyes with them. You can feel attracted to someone, but to truly know if they're yours, if they are the one that is meant for you for the rest of eternity, you have to lock eyes. Otherwise you may never know." It took some time, but I allowed myself to think over the times Edward and I had locked gazes, how I was so sure he was something permanent, something important. And to think even for a second that it wasn't so, it just didn't seem possible. Not after everything that I'd felt.

"And singers, they're- has there ever been a case where a vampire turned their singer besides you and Emmett? Where they still wound up together?" I hated how hopeful I sounded, I was so positive about both accounts. I was made for Edward, and that I would never wind up with him forever. There was one other finality that I clung to, one that didn't make sense unless I was meant to be with Edward; I was meant to be a Cullen. Alice had seen me as a vampire, she'd seen the future, she saw me so I had to belong with them somehow. I had to.

Despite my eyes shut tightly, I could hear her head shaking, I could practically see her face. It was all so clear, the pain she'd wear over her features, knowing what it was like to lose someone you loved so much. Having that image turn into something completely different. "A vampire always winds up killing their singer. The craving just becomes too great. The smell is too enticing to them, and all it takes is for their blood to spill once, at any amount and they could potentially lose it. I never touched Emmett's blood, I wasn't even around when Carlisle changed him, I couldn't be around the smell."

I nodded softly in understanding, showing I heard her despite not wanting to. Despite wishing that none of this were true and she was just trying to hurt me, or keep me away from her family. But I couldn't imagine her going through such lengths to do this. And perhaps that was foolish of me. "And soulmates? They don't crave the blood?" Again, I hear her shake her head before I actually see it.

"We care too greatly for our mate to bring them any harm. So while the smell of their blood may be incredibly tempting, it would be far too painful to even imagine causing them harm. It would be like a deathwish. I'd rather die than-" Her voice stops short, and in that moment I saw three images flash before my mind; first the baseball game, the one that had started all of this trouble, the one that changed my life completely from the start. It was the first time I actually saw Rosalie. She had always avoided me, had always done everything to stay as far away from me as possible, but in that one moment, in the single half of a minute where I had confirmed she was out, we finally saw each other. At first I had assumed the glare she gave me was one of hatred, of annoyance, but I could be so entirely wrong. It wouldn't be the first time.

The second was when James and the others came to attack, Edward stood right by my side, but Rosalie was at the forefront, her snarl almost more intimidating than the others. I had only seen it for a second, less probably; it was more than likely why I never paid attention to it, how could I be sure it was truly there? And lastly I saw Rosalie's arms holding me securely, keeping me safe from whatever nightmares came in the middle of my naps. It all pieced together with so much ease, like the final puzzle pieces and yet it didn't make sense. How could any of this make sense?

None of this was at all possible. I was reaching. My desperation to be a part of this family had reached critical psychotic levels and if I let myself believe in this delusion any longer, I'd wind up humiliating myself and more possibly winding up dead.

"Would you like to go out to dinner? You haven't actually eaten anything of substance, and I'm actually worrying about you." Her teasing words aren't lost on myself and I manage a soft scoff of a laugh before ducking my head to hide from her gaze, the one that causes all of the wrong reactions from me. I was losing it, I was losing my mind.

"We don't have to go out, I know you don't exactly eat what I do."

Despite every voice in myself, despite what I knew would happen if I did so, I yearned too deeply, and my eyes found Rosalie's, unexpectedly just a foot or so from my own. Her closeness was odd, comforting, and unfortunately confusing. The ice-queen was so close, so willing to be near me, despite her eyes darkening with a hunger I knew was difficult to control. And with my blood being exceptionally sweet, I couldn't imagine how hard she was fighting off. But then, maybe it was easy for her. Maybe she really was - I refused to let myself finish the thought, because it wasn't possible. And I wasn't going to lose my sanity over something so pathetic. "The going out is more for my sanity than for you. I'm growing increasingly tired of these walls. I want to go out and see what Phoenix has to offer."

"Sun, mostly." Her eyes sparkled with my small joke, and I can't stop the soft nervous chuckle from myself as she moves to leave my bed, much to my utter distaste. I'm finding that, despite my crisis, Rosalie is actually incredible to be around, her softness and tenderness something I wanted more of. Edward was soft, of course, but there was a difference in Rosalie. There was something that she held within her that Edward didn't, whatever it was I couldn't figure out. But then, I wasn't trying all that hard. I didn't want to know, because knowing could lead to a much greater can of worms than I was ready to face. And just the knowledge of that much was already too much for me.

Neither of us gets the chance to say anything else, Jasper rushing in through the door in an instant before he begins to head over to my bag of clothes. "What's wrong?" Rosalie asks, returning to my side immediately. I took far more comfort in that than I felt was right, but then, I didn't stop myself from attempting to get closer to her as well. All of it out of compulsion, I would convince myself of this until the day I died. Rosalie was strong, and deep down I knew she would protect me, a natural instinct it seemed.

Jasper didn't answer, at least not loud enough for me to hear. I didn't even hear the soft hum of their voices, just the silence of the typically calm vampire rushing about to pack up everything he could into my bag. "Jasper…" I call, praying that it isn't the worst, praying that I wasn't about to hear that someone had died for me. Especially now. Now that I wasn't sure Edward and I were meant for a forever together, and was seriously questioning if Rosalie was.

"James has moved, Alice had a vision, she's not sure where exactly it is, but she knows he's going to Phoenix, if he isn't here already. She said he's going to a building with mirrors, there's a piano and an exit sign. But that's all she can get. Edward's flying here, he's taking Bella somewhere."

"What?" Rosalie's voice is hardly what it had been over the past few days. It almost sounded broken, weak even. And I couldn't be sure as to why but I knew that I hated hearing it. And I hated even more how it hurt to hear. This was all wrong, this was not at all how things were supposed to happen.

And just as I'm about to protest, the phone in Jasper's pocket rings, causing all three of us to tense. He takes a moment, looking from Rosalie to myself before pulling it out and sighing in relief. "Alice." He says before walking to another part of the room, no doubt in an attempt to keep from Rosalie hearing, though I doubt she was the type to listen in on conversations.

"He can't do that," the vampire by my side says to herself, her pale hand running through her blonde hair, tension written all over her body. "He can't. He knows that would…"

"Rosalie?" I call, reaching for her wrist to try and bring her mind back to myself. It works, but only for a moment. Those golden eyes that have darkened over the past few days find my own for only a split second before they grow distant in thought. "Rose, what's wrong? What are you thinking?"

She doesn't answer me, not with what I want to hear. Instead she just tells me to grab my bag, an order I follow easily, and the next thing I know, she's lifting me from the bed and racing us out of the hotel room. I can hear the faint sounds of Jasper shouting Rosalie's name, but she doesn't stop. She just keeps running at vampire speed away from the hotel. All over again, nothing is making sense. I just wanted answers, I wanted to know what Alice saw exactly, I wanted to know where Edward would have taken me, and I needed to know where Rosalie planned on taking me. But I was too dizzy to ask, the scenery around us blurry and causing my head to spin. "Rose," I call again, still unaware of the nickname I'd chosen to use for now. It's not until we're in Jasper's car that I'm finally able to look at her, the panic strewn across her face causing me to worry for her. I can't even begin to think about myself with how petrified she seems, the stress so clear over her. It kills me to see. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" She asks in a shout of incredulousness. "Did you not hear Jasper? James is here, and Edward was going to take you to God knew where."

"Why does that matter? He was going to take me anywhere before I told him to take me here. You wouldn't have to keep pretending to like me, anymore. And your family could stop being separated like you want. I don't…" My sentence fails to finish itself once I realize she's growling a low intimidating growl, one I hadn't heard. Not since Edward stood before my when we first met James and the others.

"He's not allowed to." She finally answers through gritted teeth.

"Who isn't allowed to what?"

Another growl rips from her chest as she pressed firmly over the gas pedal, and soon the outdoors are nearly impossible to see, turned into thin lines as we speed by on the freeway. "I just need to get you away. Okay? Can that be enough for now?" My eyes lock to the side of her face as she continues to drive far far away from the place I once called home. Despite my best efforts, I can't read her, I can't understand her. But I don't need to, not really.

"Okay," I manage, though my voice is much weaker than I wished. "I trust you." Those words finally catch her attention, and she slows down enough to look my way for a moment before turning back to the road. There was something there, something that made me warm. It was important and I couldn't put a single word to it. All I knew was that something incredible just happened and I have no idea what it was or why it happened. But it was important. And I wasn't ready to admit the possibility that I was right. Not when I was so wrong just a few minutes ago about the love of my life being a vampire I was now running away from.


End file.
